Do you have a moment to talk about eternal something or other?

[carose59]

“They Just Hang Around.”*

In an effort to embrace spirituality while simultaneously avoiding the dogma that inevitably attaches itself to organized religions (and then proceeds to hump the religion’s leg while proclaiming sex to be the root of all evil), I have embraced The Way of the Kiwi.

What is the Way of the Kiwi?

I don’t know.

Is it the kiwi bird, the fruit called kiwi, or perhaps New Zealanders?

I don’t know.

I don’t pretend to know, and have no wish to know. And no one else knows, either. It's an idea shrouded in perpetual mystery, balanced on the cliff’s edge between being meaningless nonsense and profound silliness.

What does the Way of the Kiwi offer?

A mantra. To follow the Way of the Kiwi, simply close your eyes, empty your mind, and breathe deeply while repeating, “I am following the Way of the Kiwi,” until inner peace envelopes you.**

Yes, that is what the Way of the Kiwi offers: an inner peace that will envelope you. A religion would have to turn you inside out to do that.

What does the Way of the Kiwi ask of you?

Nothing. If you are already part of a religion in which you find some fulfillment, the Way of the Kiwi can be used to supplement that religion. There is no jealous god in the Way of the Kiwi. In fact, there’s no god at all, unless it’s the God who created the universe (if there is a god who created the universe). Belief is not required.

Conversely, if you’re an atheist, that’s fine too. The Way of the Kiwi doesn’t require you to believe in anything. It offers no answers to agnostics. The Way of the Kiwi isn’t about God, it’s about itself.

There are no behavioral strictures. Clothing and hair choices, sexual orientation, relationship with parents, neighbors, and enemies—all are left entirely to the individual. There is no baptism, no sacraments whatsoever. There is no gathering together required, no transubstantiation, no keeping one day apart from the others to rest and/or worship. The Kiwi requires no worship because there really isn’t anything to worship.

There are no dietary requirements, although there is a suggestion. If you feel the need to eat a kiwi, please choose in the following order: 1) the fruit; 2) the bird; 3) a person from New Zealand (only if it’s required for survival). (Obviously if you are a kiwi bird or kiwi fruit, this list would need to be re-ordered.)

Is the Way of the Kiwi a cult?

The Way of the Kiwi is barely an idea. Those who follow it have no time or interest in trying to convert others. I offer this as a way of sharing with my friends, but the Way of the Kiwi is like rain falling from the sky: you are free to walk out into it, and equally free to come in and dry off. And go back out again. Or jump in puddles and twirl your umbrella around like Gene Kelly. Or go out in the sunshine and sit in the shade. It’s all the same thing.

Does the Way of the Kiwi offer eternal salvation?

The Way of the Kiwi offers nothing but a mantra you can use or not use. But followers of the Way of the Kiwi will never come knocking on your door with pamphlets. We don’t have pamphlets. And we mind our own business.

The nebulousness of the Way of the Kiwi cannot be overstated. Although I have used the word "follow," there is really nothing to follow. The Way of the Kiwi is as tangible as an idea you have right before falling asleep, and as constant as the cap to a USB flash drive.


*About kiwis (the bird), from a website I stumbled over.
**It’s not necessary to close your eyes. Breathing deeply is also up to the individual. Emptying your mind is nearly impossible, so you might think about some kind of kiwi, or if not a kiwi, an apricot, or perhaps an emu, or Peter Jackson. Or anything you want, really. Chanting may be done silently, or not at all. Or you can chant something else entirely. “We will—we will—rock you!” is a good chant.

Comments

[melodyclark.livejournal.com]

Memmed, applauded, shared.

For thine is the power and the glory and the something-or-other during some time apparently or eventually ... maybe ...

Amen ... or not.

[carose59.livejournal.com]

I knew you would understand the Way of the Kiwi.

(This all came about because of a movie reviewer who described how the inhabitants of a town "went the way of the kiwi." I'm pretty sure he meant dodo, but I like it so much better this way. *g*

[melodyclark.livejournal.com]

I suspect he meant dodo, too, but then maybe there's something about kiwi we don't know. lol

[carose59.livejournal.com]

That could be. They're very unusual birds.

[natashasolten.livejournal.com]

I love this. I didn't find it on your blog in my friend's page...yet...but through Mel's blog. Good thing she put a link to it or I might have missed this.

All hail the Way of the Kiwi.

[carose59.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm glad you didn't miss it.

I know LJ's doing upgrades, maybe that's causing things to be wonky.

[tamanth.livejournal.com]

That is very Discordian. I approve.

[carose59.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I do what I can. *g*

[melodyclark.livejournal.com]

It is, in fact, very much in the spirit of Eris.

To quote Discordia, in a manner that may amuse you, "life size models of Cthulhu, on sale now!"

[carose59.livejournal.com]

I love it! Of course, I'm a pushover for Cthulhu. *g*

[enkiduts.livejournal.com]

Finally a religion I can get behind!!! You are brilliant, my dear. But we all knew that already!!

[carose59.livejournal.com]

Thank you! And please, send no money. We're not that kind of religion.

[ethalwyn.livejournal.com]

It reminded me of Zen... but I'm an atheist so I don't really know Zen.

Very funny. Thanks for sharing this.

[carose59.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it.