Fragments of Tears

[carose59]

Fragments of Tears


I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry

Write it so many times, it starts to lose meaning--
 and it still isn't enough.
                   (Enough for?)
                    Enough to make up for being here
                                      For being.

I have
Always felt the space I take up would be better used
  otherwise
That my absence is most desired,
my silence.

If I were someone else--


If only I were . . . 
someone

. . . else.


Cracks like frost spiderweb through me,
and I become a shattered mirror.
The rivers of my irresolution overflow their banks,
 tear down the sandbags, cascade 
through every moment,
                part,
                particle of me
drenching even the staunchest determination

until I simply can't move.


But frozen is good.
If you stand still enough, no one can see you.
And invisible is best--
well, second best.
If sleep is the brother of death,
invisible is the sister of nothingness.

[I found this on my old hard drive. I have no memory of writing it.]