First Memory (abandonment issues)

[carose59]

First Memory

I thought she was never coming back.

It was where my father had gone, & he wasn't coming back 
 (I thought)
& I thought she was gone, too.
Never coming back.

Why my grandmother & I were sitting in the car,

 waiting,

if she was never coming back--
well, I was three.
      I was terrified.
      I was not logical.

I thought she was never coming back.

      I was sobbing
    & hitting the window,
    screaming because my mommy was gone
                      my mommy was gone,
          she wasn't coming back--

She (Grandma) couldn't calm me down.
      I went into hysterics.
      I didn't want her!
      I wanted my mommy!
How was I supposed to live without her?

Grampa was gone.
Daddy was gone.
And now my mother had walked away, forgetting me too.
It was just going to be Grandma and me,
just the two of us, forever, in that car.