Fly Away (exorcism. trust no one.)

[carose59]

Fly Away


My eyes search the woods for you--
Force of habit (I know you're not there).
The thorny vines and creepers twining
                        up
                      make me think of
 Sleeping Beauty,
            and I see your spectre-face,
                                   pale,
                               eyes closed.

I long to add the golden tresses,
          sketch pale pink roses to the vines
                           encircling you.

But you aren't a captive--
          not of castle
          nor of spell.


I wish that I could sleep.

My old escape
       --writing my way out of my mind--
is barred.

The words that come are real tears,
                        real blood
With no mask to hide my swollen eyes.
When I open up my veins to write, I pour out--
Screaming

Burns
Breaks
Blood.

The sane,
    sensible part of myself
               tells me I must  never  show
              you this.
It will drive you away.


 (The one important thing I have learned is: 
   other people are allowed to bring
          their strangeness to me
 but I must never take mine to them.
  The way I'm crazy is wrong.)

The weight of these feelings is too much;
 It would crush our friendship.

I know that.

I know it completely. 

 But it's crushing me as well.

And I trust you, not only with my heart
                      but with the unshowable,
                                   unacceptable,
                                   unlovable thoughts
                       in my head.

    I trust you not to run.