Summer of Discontent

[carose59]

Summer of Discontent


That summer I loved you so deeply,
   you permeated everything.

And when I read a novel
   about a woman whose best friend was dying,
   every word sang of our eventual parting
   and I loved you all the more.

"Come lay out under the stars with me,"
   said the heroine to her friend.
And more than anything else in my life,
   I wanted to say that to you.

I don't know why you left me after that.

I never said the words, but only touched your hair.

Those bitter winter nights alone, I waited,
   humiliated,
   wanting to call,
   but the shame of being abandoned was too fierce.

I cried myself to numbness;
   Screamed out my poisonous anger.
Then rose from the ashes.
   Made a new life.

I stopped bringing my joys 
   into the dim light of your faint interest.
   And when the hurricane hit, I never thought to cling to you.
   I knew your shadow would not hold me.


I learned to stop loving you.


Only now you have noticed my absence,
   found the bed I slept in chilly.

You cultivate me, woo me, and I wonder why.
   It seems you miss me.
   But what you miss is only the soft, pallid disguise I wore,
   too afraid to show you the passion burning inside me.

The reflection you saw was sweet
   while the reality scorched me from inside.

I understand your sense of loss,
   And your fear of the words I now offer.
   They are all mine, bright and biting, and you cannot tame them.

But I can no more write the gentle sweetness you want
   than I can resurrect to come and kiss you goodnight
   the girl who burned to death.