And sometimes I'm my father: logical and incisive
Tuesday, 15 March 2016 03:35 pm"Look, Look, Look, Next Time I'm Apologizing To Somebody And I Have To Spell Something Out In Rose Petals, I'm Taking My Business Elsewhere, OK, Buddy?"*
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I use a CPAP. Every three months they contact me and ask if I need any new supplies (masks, tubes, things like that). Last November I changed the kind of mask I use. In February I got the email and responded that yes, I did need a new mask.
When it arrived, it was the old kind. I wasn't in desperate need, and getting this straightened out required the dread talking to people thing, so I only called a couple of weeks ago.
But nothing got straightened out because their computer was down. I was told to call back in not more than an hour. I found this a little strange—the not-more-than-an-hour part—but I did. The computer was still down. This was a Friday. I was instructed to call back Monday.
Well, that didn't happen because Mondays are long days for me and I don't get home until nearly five. Tuesdays are the same. I have no explanation what was wrong with Wednesday or Thursday, but I managed to call back on Friday.
I was told that a pre-paid shipping label would be sent out, and when they received the incorrect mask, they'd send the correct one. I said fine. We hung up.
When I got home from work yesterday, there was a UPS delivery failure sticker on my door. They had been there to pick up the mask.
First, the woman I spoke to told me I'd be mailing it back. Second, their idea of how fast the mail is is either forty years old or insanely optimistic. I talked to them Friday afternoon and they thought something mailed after that would have reached me not just by Monday, but by Monday-before-I-left-for-work, which means Saturday.
I wasn't going to just write the name of the company on the package and leave it for UPS, so this morning I called to find out what was going on, which led to some unpleasantness. The woman I spoke to told me they never use the post office. I'm assuming she meant to move supplies from one place to another, since they most definitely didn't use UPS to bring me the tag. Then she said some partial sentences that seemed to add up to this method of picking up the package had failed and they'd have to go to plan B. Plan B was me bringing the mask to them.
They're not in Indianapolis, they're north of Indianapolis in Fishers, and since I'm having trouble getting to the mall, driving to Fishers is not something I'm able to do right now. I'm also not much interested in correcting their mistakes at my time and expense.
Alternately, they could send a technician to my house and we could just swap masks. Both of those options were offered the first time around, and I turned them both down.
The woman I was speaking to told me that the technician could be there in three to five business days and I didn't have to be there. Anyone in my household would be fine. I said my cat doesn't answer the door.
I've had this experience before and I always find it baffling and infuriating: every time I would start to speak, the CSR would start talking. If I was quiet, so was she. It's very weird. It's like the last thing they want is to hear what you have to say.
I finally said, "Dammit, will you just be quiet long enough for me to finish a sentence?" and she hung up on me.
So I called back and asked to speak to whoever was in charge. Two hours and two more phone calls later, I got to. (I had left a message, but of course had not gotten a call back.)
The charming supervisor I spoke to listened to my tale of woe and said nothing. I waited in the silence and then she said that she was reading the notes in my file, to find out what had happened.
I did not say, "I just told you what happened," although I wanted to. This is something else I've experienced before, being subtly accused of lying, although in this case I think she meant she wanted to see what the problem was and just phrased it badly.
She was very gracious. She said that because of the problems I'd had, they would send somebody out on whatever day was convenient for me.
I still find this weird. It's like they don't really trust any mode of shipping, or because they screwed up one UPS pick up, they could never again trust them to do anything. It's not like we're talking gold bullion here; it's a bunch of overpriced plastic.
So I asked what was wrong with UPS. They weren't even the ones who had made the mistake, that was her department, and UPS's turnaround time had been really great. Actually send me the label this time and we're in business.
Strangely, strangely, she didn't seem to like this idea, but she agreed. She also said what should have been said when I called on Friday: that they would ship the correct mask today even though they didn't have the incorrect one back yet. Seriously, I'm getting billed for it, so if I don't return it it's my problem. This we-don't-trust-you behavior is ridiculous, and it's insulting coming from a company that's now screwed up repeatedly.
I wanted to be snarky, but I wasn't because I was getting what I wanted. That is one thing I know how to do: win without screwing it up for myself.
*Eric R. Lawson
-:- -:- -:- -:-
I use a CPAP. Every three months they contact me and ask if I need any new supplies (masks, tubes, things like that). Last November I changed the kind of mask I use. In February I got the email and responded that yes, I did need a new mask.
When it arrived, it was the old kind. I wasn't in desperate need, and getting this straightened out required the dread talking to people thing, so I only called a couple of weeks ago.
But nothing got straightened out because their computer was down. I was told to call back in not more than an hour. I found this a little strange—the not-more-than-an-hour part—but I did. The computer was still down. This was a Friday. I was instructed to call back Monday.
Well, that didn't happen because Mondays are long days for me and I don't get home until nearly five. Tuesdays are the same. I have no explanation what was wrong with Wednesday or Thursday, but I managed to call back on Friday.
I was told that a pre-paid shipping label would be sent out, and when they received the incorrect mask, they'd send the correct one. I said fine. We hung up.
When I got home from work yesterday, there was a UPS delivery failure sticker on my door. They had been there to pick up the mask.
First, the woman I spoke to told me I'd be mailing it back. Second, their idea of how fast the mail is is either forty years old or insanely optimistic. I talked to them Friday afternoon and they thought something mailed after that would have reached me not just by Monday, but by Monday-before-I-left-for-work, which means Saturday.
I wasn't going to just write the name of the company on the package and leave it for UPS, so this morning I called to find out what was going on, which led to some unpleasantness. The woman I spoke to told me they never use the post office. I'm assuming she meant to move supplies from one place to another, since they most definitely didn't use UPS to bring me the tag. Then she said some partial sentences that seemed to add up to this method of picking up the package had failed and they'd have to go to plan B. Plan B was me bringing the mask to them.
They're not in Indianapolis, they're north of Indianapolis in Fishers, and since I'm having trouble getting to the mall, driving to Fishers is not something I'm able to do right now. I'm also not much interested in correcting their mistakes at my time and expense.
Alternately, they could send a technician to my house and we could just swap masks. Both of those options were offered the first time around, and I turned them both down.
The woman I was speaking to told me that the technician could be there in three to five business days and I didn't have to be there. Anyone in my household would be fine. I said my cat doesn't answer the door.
I've had this experience before and I always find it baffling and infuriating: every time I would start to speak, the CSR would start talking. If I was quiet, so was she. It's very weird. It's like the last thing they want is to hear what you have to say.
I finally said, "Dammit, will you just be quiet long enough for me to finish a sentence?" and she hung up on me.
So I called back and asked to speak to whoever was in charge. Two hours and two more phone calls later, I got to. (I had left a message, but of course had not gotten a call back.)
The charming supervisor I spoke to listened to my tale of woe and said nothing. I waited in the silence and then she said that she was reading the notes in my file, to find out what had happened.
I did not say, "I just told you what happened," although I wanted to. This is something else I've experienced before, being subtly accused of lying, although in this case I think she meant she wanted to see what the problem was and just phrased it badly.
She was very gracious. She said that because of the problems I'd had, they would send somebody out on whatever day was convenient for me.
I still find this weird. It's like they don't really trust any mode of shipping, or because they screwed up one UPS pick up, they could never again trust them to do anything. It's not like we're talking gold bullion here; it's a bunch of overpriced plastic.
So I asked what was wrong with UPS. They weren't even the ones who had made the mistake, that was her department, and UPS's turnaround time had been really great. Actually send me the label this time and we're in business.
Strangely, strangely, she didn't seem to like this idea, but she agreed. She also said what should have been said when I called on Friday: that they would ship the correct mask today even though they didn't have the incorrect one back yet. Seriously, I'm getting billed for it, so if I don't return it it's my problem. This we-don't-trust-you behavior is ridiculous, and it's insulting coming from a company that's now screwed up repeatedly.
I wanted to be snarky, but I wasn't because I was getting what I wanted. That is one thing I know how to do: win without screwing it up for myself.
*Eric R. Lawson