This isn't a Christmas post
Monday, 25 December 2006 09:11 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
carose59Now, That Should End In A Question Mark, But They Obviously Didn't Have the Money To Spend On the Extra Ink, So They Just Gave It a Period.*
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I dreamed about Pat again last night.
We were in one of our old apartments, only it didn't really look like any of them. (I know where this comes from, I was talking about one of the apartments have old-fashioned radiators, and the apartment in the dream had them.) As usual had been dead but now she wasn't, she didn't know that and I did. She was really, really happy, happier than I'd seen her—well, probably since I told her we were going to New York the autumn before she died. We were looking out the window at the rain, and Pat was talking about how it was going to snow later in the day. I was thinking that I knew where her mittens were (and I do, I've been wearing them), but I'd thrown out her boots (which I did—they needed it) and where could we go to get her new boots that would really be good for her to walk in, and what was I going to tell her about the boots? But she had a coat, and mittens, and I'd figure the rest of it out.
I was kind of disturbed when I woke up, the way I always am when I have these dreams. I'm so afraid Pat will find out she's been dead/I've thought she was dead (I never seem to know which it is).
I'm trying not to think too much right now. I'm afraid of losing my job—our department is scheduled to be cut from 16 to 8 people. The theory is those of us cut will be transferred, maybe to the newly opened Central library, which would be all right in terms of how far away it is (about the same), but the work would be different (working with the public, which I haven't done in nearly thirty years) and there would be driving home in the dark (which—night blindness). I'm careful in the winter, I catch rides with other people, or I schedule so I'm only driving in the very early morning when it's dark, but there's virtually no traffic. This won't be possible with the new building, where the hours are nine to nine, Monday through Saturday, and I think noon to five on Sunday, though who knows what they'll even be by autumn, when it opens.
This means no New York this year. I can't spend the money, and I'm afraid to use any vacation time. If I have to resign, I'll get paid for that time which will give me some cushion.
I'm really scared about this. My mind is so fuzzy lately, the idea of having to learn a new job is terrifying.
*Sara M
-:- -:- -:- -:-
I dreamed about Pat again last night.
We were in one of our old apartments, only it didn't really look like any of them. (I know where this comes from, I was talking about one of the apartments have old-fashioned radiators, and the apartment in the dream had them.) As usual had been dead but now she wasn't, she didn't know that and I did. She was really, really happy, happier than I'd seen her—well, probably since I told her we were going to New York the autumn before she died. We were looking out the window at the rain, and Pat was talking about how it was going to snow later in the day. I was thinking that I knew where her mittens were (and I do, I've been wearing them), but I'd thrown out her boots (which I did—they needed it) and where could we go to get her new boots that would really be good for her to walk in, and what was I going to tell her about the boots? But she had a coat, and mittens, and I'd figure the rest of it out.
I was kind of disturbed when I woke up, the way I always am when I have these dreams. I'm so afraid Pat will find out she's been dead/I've thought she was dead (I never seem to know which it is).
I'm trying not to think too much right now. I'm afraid of losing my job—our department is scheduled to be cut from 16 to 8 people. The theory is those of us cut will be transferred, maybe to the newly opened Central library, which would be all right in terms of how far away it is (about the same), but the work would be different (working with the public, which I haven't done in nearly thirty years) and there would be driving home in the dark (which—night blindness). I'm careful in the winter, I catch rides with other people, or I schedule so I'm only driving in the very early morning when it's dark, but there's virtually no traffic. This won't be possible with the new building, where the hours are nine to nine, Monday through Saturday, and I think noon to five on Sunday, though who knows what they'll even be by autumn, when it opens.
This means no New York this year. I can't spend the money, and I'm afraid to use any vacation time. If I have to resign, I'll get paid for that time which will give me some cushion.
I'm really scared about this. My mind is so fuzzy lately, the idea of having to learn a new job is terrifying.
*Sara M