Kobra Kai Karate is not a good name

Spoilers. It’s all spoilers, all the way down.

Caveat: I have not seen any of the Karate Kid movies, but I was alive and conscious in the US during the time they were out, so I’ve acquired general information through osmosis. I have not done research. I’m not writing this to give a detail-accurate account; I’m writing it because it’s something I was enjoying until I really, really, really wasn’t, and this is how I deal with things like that.

First off: Cobra Kai comes off like a well-made piece of fan art. As a life-long fan writer, I value fan art highly. Combining talent with love of the subject can create magic.

I don’t know if Cobra Kai reaches magic-level; as I said, I haven’t seen the original movies. But here’s some things they got right:

Casting. I’ve read that they’ve only recast one character from the original trilogy. Everyone else is reprising their roles.

They’ve also used footage not used in the original films to create flashbacks for the characters. Now, I can’t tell the difference, but that shows that the people involved in this care deeply about what they’re creating.

Not allowing anyone, no matter how heinous their behavior, to be nothing but a villain. They all have backstories that explain how they got to this place. Those stories might not be enough to mitigate their behavior, but it’s so nice to see more fully-fleshed out characters instead of white hats and black hats.

So here’s the story:

Johnny Lawrence is the protagonist of our piece. He’s bitter and lonely, a failure in his own eyes. We find out his mother is dead, and his emotionally-abusive stepfather is still enjoying abusing him over the one thing he has that Johnny needs: money. He has a son he doesn’t see because he boy’s mother doesn’t want him to and because he has no idea how to be a father.

Daniel LaRusso is a main character, a good guy, but not the hero. There isn’t exactly a hero. Daniel’s life is going very well. He and his wife, Amanda, have two loving children and a successful business they’re partners in. (That business is selling cars—a fannish touch, based on his love of the car Mr. Miyagi gave him.) It’s not all smooth sailing, but his life is a happy one.

It all starts when Johnny comes home. He halfway meets a neighbor, a high school boy named Miguel Diaz, but he’s too busy des, has being bitter and angry to make any friends. Then he sees Miguel getting beat up by some of the cool kids, including one named Kyler, and he intervenes.

Miguel wants Johnny to teach him karate.

Eventually, Johnny agrees. And he opens a dojo, calling it Cobra Kai. He’s only got the one student, but Miguel isn’t the only one being bullied, and after a spectacular defense in the cafeteria one day, more of the downtrodden kids decide karate is what they need.

Daniel hears about Cobra Kai reopening, and that brings back his bad memories. He doesn’t like the idea that the school of thought John Kreese was teaching is back again.

Of course, he doesn’t actually bother to find out if this is what’s happening. (This is a recurring them in the first two seasons. Daniel and Johnny make discoveries, then react emotionally—usually in the wrong way, because they never stop to ask questions. And they seldom find out they’ve been wrong.)

Daniel has two pieces of information: Johnny beat up Kyler and his friends. Johnny has opened a dojo and is calling it Cobra Kai. (Kyler is Daniel’s daughter, Samantha’s, boyfriend. While Samantha herself isn’t a bully, she’s hanging out with the kids who are, and one of their main targets is an old friend of hers who isn’t cool enough.)

Johnny goes to see his son, but that goes over badly. The son, Robby Keene, is angry and resentful. He’s a dropout and a thief, and now he’s furious with his father. To this end, he goes and gets a job at LaRusso Motors because this will piss off his father.

Of course, what happens is, Daniel treats him very well, eventually giving him a place to live when his mother disappears with her new boyfriend.

And he starts teaching him karate lessons, Miyagi-style.

There’s intrigue, with Daniel trying various means of getting Cobra Kai shut down, and with a completely unaffiliated car salesman trying to take over Daniel’s business.

Samantha finds out what a bully Kyler is and breaks up with him to start going out with Miguel. Her former friend Aisha, joins Cobra Kai. A lot of the “losers” are there. Johnny’s drill sergeant style of instruction seems to appeal to most of them, particularly Eli who styles his hair in a Mohawk, changes his name to Hawk, and practically becomes a Brown Shirt.

Demetri is the one “loser” who can’t handle the more ruthless style. He and Eli had been best friends. When he gravitates to the Miyagi-do, he and the others become competitors, if not outright enemies.

Tory Nichols joins Cobra Kai. She’s in high school, working to pay the rent, looking after her mother who has cancer, and being sexually harassed by her landlord. She’s very, very angry.

There’s a competition that eventually pits Robby (Johnny’s son, who is not affiliated with any dojo at that time) against Miguel, his star pupil. This is the point where his No Mercy philosophy becomes untenable, where everything changes.

It’s also the point where John Kreese shows up.

At first, Johnny wants nothing to do with him, but Kreese assures him he’s changed, that he only wants to help these kids. Johnny gives him a second chance.

From there we have all kinds of double crossing. Samantha breaks up with Miguel and starts dating Robby. Miguel starts dating Tory.

Dirty tricks are played by the kids to undermine the competing dojos.

Johnny’s new honorable policy does not go over well with the kids who, having been bullied, now want to be bullies. Kreese undercuts him at every opportunity.

Tory sees Samantha kiss Miguel.

There are multiple free-for-alls, including a riot at the school where Miguel is badly injured by Robby.

Samantha develops PTSD from a vicious attack by Tory.

Pretty much every other scene is the Cobra Kai kids attacking the Miyagi kids more and more brutally. Johnny has been ousted by his own kids and starts a new dojo called the Eagle Fang. (Johnny is not the sharpest knife in the drawer. He had to be talked down from going with Kobra Kai Karate.)

One bright spot was Ali (Elisabeth Shue) showing up and some actual friendliness. She and Johnny and Daniel and Amanda have a pleasant dinner together, and in a lovely surprise, Ali and Amanda become friends. None of this, “I must hate you because you are a woman my husband dated” bullshit here. It was charming.

But by this time, I was developing PTSD. Daniel’s business trip to Japan, where he met another former girlfriend and another former rival were a welcome break. (Really, if you see nothing else, the final episode of that trip is great.) But on the home front, the violence was escalating.

So, we come down to the final episode of season three, and this happens.

After the Cobra Kai come to Daniel’s home where they attack his students, Daniel and Kreese make a deal. If Daniel’s team wins the annual competition, the violence will stop.

And if Daniel’s team loses?

Daniel’s answer to this is, of course, that they aren’t going to lose.

That’s the standard response. If you’ve been watching TV for more than a few minutes, you’ve heard it used. But this situation is different.

Because from the escalation of violence—along with Kreese’s philosophy of weakness must be annihilated—what is going to happen if the Miyagi team loses? The only thing any of them seem to want is to literally kill the other team. Has Daniel just agreed to that?

And that’s leaving aside the part where he just made a verbal agreement with a man who scorns the concept of honor. How the fuck dumb can you get?

I have no idea when season four is supposed to drop, but I’ll be getting rid of Netflix again pretty soon, so it’s unlikely I’ll see it anytime in the next year or so. And I’m not sure I even want to.