Poem

There Are Too Many Words Here


I feel so sad and I miss you so much.
I stand here, in front of you, but you can't see me.
And I can't plead—I learned that lesson well, never beg anybody to let you stay
because they won't
because they won't
because they won't.

So, I stay cheerful in front of you, joke lightly, and listen as you don't listen.
I miss you so much.
I have for so long.
I even wrote you a poem about it, but I never showed you because
because I was crazy then and it wouldn't have mattered
because I'm still crazy and it still doesn't matter
because a poem never changed anything, but it's all I can do.

I know the hole in my soul is too big for you to fill—it was there even when I had a life
too much of a life
more life than I could juggle.
I kept dropping the pieces until they were all broken.
But there was a spot, a you-shaped spot that you just filled
until I broke and you went away.

I think we're both too broken now,
two puzzles with missing pieces whose pieces together still can’t form a picture.
And so I talk to you knowing you can't really hear me
and I miss you over and over again.